30 Things you Should Definitely do Before Having a Baby

While I couldn’t have been more excited to be having a baby, in hindsight, there are a few things I wish I had made the most of before the big event.

So much so, I made a list of them. If you’re reading this prior to popping out a bambino or two then go forth and complete for me – you’ll be glad you did.

And if you’re in the same position as I am, feel free to just ruefully nod along while sipping your cold tea and half-heartedly wiping your snot-stained jeans with a baby wipe.

  1. Go to the toilet, look around you. Appreciate the fact that nobody is looking back
  2. Eat a cake without having to share
  3. Go to bed, fall asleep, stay that way for a block of 8 hours and wake up refreshed
  4. Wear clothes without vomit or wee on
  5. Have a conversation where every single response isn’t ‘why?’
  6. In the evening, walk around your house not panicking about stepping on a creaky floorboard. Also, indulgently flush the toilet after using it.
  7. Eat out at a restaurant and actually enjoy it
  8. Decide to leave the house, put on your coat and just go, without tantrums, nappy changes, snack gathering and an hour’s preparation
  9. Do the laundry just twice a week and enjoy not being in a co-dependent relationship with your washing basket
  10. Drive in your car and don’t sing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ on constant loop to drown out the sound of screaming
  11. Bounce on a trampoline while appreciating your functional pelvic floor
  12. Shower every day and don’t even consider dry shampoo
  13. Go to the cinema
  14. Lie in past 6.30 AM every weekend
  15. Talk to your partner about things other than illness, food, poo or teething
  16. Go to the pharmacy and spend money on nail polish and lipstick instead of teething gels and nappy ointment.
  17. Listen to your favourite music at whatever volume you fancy
  18. Don’t talk, just be
  19. Have disposable income and spend it on yourself
  20. Read books without pictures in
  21. Hold an uninterrupted conversation about something actually interesting
  22. Make a hot drink and drink it while it’s hot
  23. Make a meal and eat it slowly while sitting down. Also, chew your food before swallowing.
  24. Sit on your sofa and look at something other than bright plastic tat
  25. Read articles about current affairs, world events or anything that isn’t to do with getting your baby to go to sleep.
  26. Enjoy not having every spare inch of headspace occupied with a theme tune from CBeebies.
  27. Sit quietly in your garden soaking up the sun without having to pick small people out of flower beds and empty their mouths of mud and insects.
  28. Sit down to a meal and not have to get up part way to watch someone wee or poo.
  29. Go on holiday abroad, instead of somewhere close by, child-friendly and completely overpriced.
  30. Turn on the TV and watch something adult (not “adult”, just adult), instead of Peppa Pig.


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