While I couldn’t have been more excited to be having a baby, in hindsight, there are a few things I wish I had made the most of before the big event.
So much so, I made a list of them. If you’re reading this prior to popping out a bambino or two then go forth and complete for me – you’ll be glad you did.
And if you’re in the same position as I am, feel free to just ruefully nod along while sipping your cold tea and half-heartedly wiping your snot-stained jeans with a baby wipe.
- Go to the toilet, look around you. Appreciate the fact that nobody is looking back
- Eat a cake without having to share
- Go to bed, fall asleep, stay that way for a block of 8 hours and wake up refreshed
- Wear clothes without vomit or wee on
- Have a conversation where every single response isn’t ‘why?’
- In the evening, walk around your house not panicking about stepping on a creaky floorboard. Also, indulgently flush the toilet after using it.
- Eat out at a restaurant and actually enjoy it
- Decide to leave the house, put on your coat and just go, without tantrums, nappy changes, snack gathering and an hour’s preparation
- Do the laundry just twice a week and enjoy not being in a co-dependent relationship with your washing basket
- Drive in your car and don’t sing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ on constant loop to drown out the sound of screaming
- Bounce on a trampoline while appreciating your functional pelvic floor
- Shower every day and don’t even consider dry shampoo
- Go to the cinema
- Lie in past 6.30 AM every weekend
- Talk to your partner about things other than illness, food, poo or teething
- Go to the pharmacy and spend money on nail polish and lipstick instead of teething gels and nappy ointment.
- Listen to your favourite music at whatever volume you fancy
- Don’t talk, just be
- Have disposable income and spend it on yourself
- Read books without pictures in
- Hold an uninterrupted conversation about something actually interesting
- Make a hot drink and drink it while it’s hot
- Make a meal and eat it slowly while sitting down. Also, chew your food before swallowing.
- Sit on your sofa and look at something other than bright plastic tat
- Read articles about current affairs, world events or anything that isn’t to do with getting your baby to go to sleep.
- Enjoy not having every spare inch of headspace occupied with a theme tune from CBeebies.
- Sit quietly in your garden soaking up the sun without having to pick small people out of flower beds and empty their mouths of mud and insects.
- Sit down to a meal and not have to get up part way to watch someone wee or poo.
- Go on holiday abroad, instead of somewhere close by, child-friendly and completely overpriced.
- Turn on the TV and watch something adult (not “adult”, just adult), instead of Peppa Pig.
This post was first published on BigTroubleLittleNappies.com, also on Facebook
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